I found myself in this place of wanting things to be different from what was my reality here and now. To have my current situation and experience be over and done with. And, I saw how it could happen with just a tiny adjustment.
Since all my experience is a manifestation of my mind after all, I should have the power to change this.
For years now, my teacher has told me that patience is not waiting.
How patience has nothing to do with waiting. I have always felt like I have been so patient – but – all I have been doing has been waiting.
Waiting implies impatience in the highest degree.
Patience is being at peace with what is, in each and every moment.
Well, at this point I knew this intellectually; I could write about it, tell others about it, be aware of it — but this time I felt it like I had a momentary glimpse of what patience actually is.
For a brief moment I saw that waiting is like a two sided coin with one side being anticipation and the other side dread. Like a small but powerful land mine, waiting to go off at any moment. So – definitely far away from the elusive patience I keep looking for.
Being with this awareness, opened up a sense of possibility or great freedom. Like a bright light at the end of a long tunnel, which is ‘there’ for the taking, and for more than a brief moment in time.
I truly think that the perfect analogy for life in samsara – this cycle of birth and death – is ‘the game of hope and fear’. And, both hope and fear has it’s opposite in it. Like that two sided coin.
Now, the challenge is to visit patience more often. To let go of waiting for something to be different that what is. To be ok with life in each moment. Not quite ‘there’ yet.
I will continue to ‘be’ with this and see where it leads next…
Love & Light!